The Phrases given by My Dad Which Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience soon proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good spot. You require support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to open up among men, who still internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - spending a short trip overseas, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."